Back From The… Dead?

Ok, not really dead, but I might as well have been.  Most days, I certainly felt dead.  I took an unplanned, two year hiatus from the blogosphere.  Not on purpose… it just kinda happened.  Life happened…

My last post here is dated “December 26, 2018.”  I re-read it this morning, and wow… it’s still a great read, and still completely relevant, and packs even more of a punch for me now than it did when I wrote it.  A lot can happen in two years… a lot can change.

So, where do I begin to tell you the stories of my last two years?  I’ll start with one of my favorite things… a bullet-point list!  Haha!

  • November 2018 – told my husband that I am done being married and I want to be free to live my life however I want.  Ok, that is a SUPER summed-up explanation.  A deeper retelling of this event will appear later.  Stay tuned…
  • December 2018 – begin marriage counseling.  This was quite insigtful, and I highly recommend it to all couples who are struggling with themselves and their relationship.
  • January 2019 – begin Emergency Medical Technician training
  • February 2019 – begin Fire Academy training
  • June 2019 – move out on my own… kinda.  I shared a townhouse with 4 college aged girls.  I do not recommend this… too. much. estrogen.  I also graduated from EMT school and passed my National and State licensing exams!  Woo!
  • July 2019 – divorce finalized. I got to keep my car and share my kids.  I also graduated from Fire Academy and landed my first EMS job for a private ambulance company on the coast.  (Begin long-ass commute, long-ass shifts, and basically kissing my life good-bye.)
  • May 2020 – moved to the coast to begin my “Year of Healing.”  This was the most painful and difficult year of my post-mental-breakdown life!  But my good friend and roomate was there to scrape me up off the kitchen floor when I needed it.  I also began regular sessions with a counselor.  She is the BEST!
  • September 2020 – move back in with my parents.  Pretty sure this was, like, the third time I’ve moved back home in my adult life.  It’s embarrassing, really.  During this time, I met a really nice guy and agreed to date him… almost 9 months together now.  Aww…
  • January 2021 – bought a house and moved out!… again!  HA!
  • May 2021 – begin new career as a line cook in a restaurant at a really cool distillery.  Employee discounted booze! Woo!

This brings us to today… it is mid-afternoon, I am sitting at my dinning room table in my pajamas, sipping on my third cup of coffee, waiting for the laundry machines to finish their cycles, the “click-clack” of the laptop keys beneath my fingers filling my eardrums.

There is so much to say… so much to process…

Over the past two years, I have been hastily scribbling my thoughts, feelings, and desires into a scuffed-up notebook.  All my post-counseling session musings… all my super-stressed, anxiety driven, fear-rants… all my deepest, darkest, scariest thoughts on the most depressed and sad days of my life… all of it in black ink on the crisp, white pages.

After two years of feeling nothing but rage and being motivated purely by spite, I am finally ready to share… I am finally feeling like I’m in a good place again.  I might even say I’m feeling happy again.

Hey, I’ve felt like an angry zombie for the last two years… happy is HUGE for me right now.  Haha!

Thanks, for reading.  Stay tuned for more…
Keep Moving Forward!

Rachel

One thought on “Back From The… Dead?

  1. Wow that was a great read dude I look forward to the next one is been way too long just saying!!!

    Sent from my iPhone

    >

    Like

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