I Get To Choose! (And So Do You)

I had one of those moments…

You know, when the answer you’ve been searching for suddenly drops like a bomb into your awareness, and you’re like, “I think I’ve known this the whole time.”

Then you realize that it’s really true.  You HAVE known it the whole time, and for one heartbeat everything fades away, and you feel the greatness and limitlessness of your spirit where it resides within the Divine Spirit that connects all of life.

You blink, and suddenly you’re back in the present moment, amidst the hustle and bustle, and you think, “What was THAT?  It was awesome!  I’m awesome!  God’s awesome!  This life is so AWESOME!”

I had one of THOSE moments.

(Yes, I do think I’m awesome, because God thinks I’m awesome. He thinks you’re awesome, too, so you better consider your own awesomeness and just accept it… because it’s true.)

It all began when I decided to quit my job…

I was feeling tense and stressed.  I hadn’t had time for myself in weeks.  I worked at work.  I worked at school.  I worked at home.  I even worked in my dreams at night!  The seemingly endlessness of my earthly responsibilities was piling upon my shoulders and suffocating my soul.

I asked a dear friend, who I knew I could rely upon to hear from Spirit on my behalf, to pray for me.  I didn’t share any details about my stress with her, I simply asked her to pray for me.  And she did.  And she heard…

In her mind’s eye, she saw two paths.  The path leading to the right led into a beautiful countryside with rolling hills that faded into a beautiful sunset.  This path felt safe and comfortable.  The one to the left led into a thick jungle.  This path felt scary, but in an exciting way.  It felt alive!  This is the path she embarked upon.  Beyond the jungle, the path split into 15 more paths, each one leading into vast and glorious landscapes… endless and exciting possibilities!

I interpreted all this to mean that:

  1. I could stay in my job and be okay – I’d be safe and comfortable and blessed. Or…
  2. I could quit my job in order to have more time to explore all the many exciting and creative paths available to me – practice my photography, painting, piano, guitar, Spanish, meditation, etc. – and I’d be okay, too. In fact, I’d be free to experience any new and exciting things as they presented themselves to me!

I submitted my letter of resignation the next day.

Fast forward a week…

A familiar anxiety comes lurking up from my subconscious:

“Now that you have all this free time for creative and soulful exploration, what is it your soul really wants to do?  You don’t want to waste your time on just any old thing… what is your purpose for being?”

I roll my eyes and give an exasperated sigh, “Oh good.  I’d thought you’d gone away.”

Anxiety, (who looks like Mr. Burns from The Simpsons TV show), taps its fingertips together and hisses, “Excellent! Commence pointless and exhausting mind spin.”

I shake my upraised fist in front of my own face, and through gritted teeth I yell, “No!  No more spinning.  I’m going to get some answers.”

So, I grabbed a friend and went to the RaSani Fair that was happening that very same weekend.  (The RaSani Fair in Albany, OR is like a giant farmers market for spiritual seekers – jewelry, soap, lotions, essential oils, drums, clothes, books, card readers, soul guidance, hourly seminars on verious and interesting topics, etc.)

Anyway

I spoke to 2 different psychics/soul readers.  Both of them had very good insights to share, especially concerning my health, (which I haven’t blogged about yet), my family, and my general spiritual well-being.  BUT… neither of them specifically addressed the questions burning brightest in my mind…

“WHAT IS MY PURPOSE?  WHY AM I HERE?  WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO BE DOING?”

Later that night, after everyone had gone to bed, the house was quiet, and I had finished my prayers of gratitude, I was lying in bed when “the moment” hit me right between the eyes…

“Oooh… nobody told me what to do or who to be because I get to decide that for myself – I GET TO CHOOSE!”

And it’s true.  Every single one of us living on this earth in these physical bodies gets to choose our path, to co-create with God the kind of experience we have while we’re here.  The vision of the many paths my friend shared with me makes more sense now than ever.

I smiled and shut my eyes, and as I began to drift off into sleep, I felt in my heart a warm and loving smile from Spirit, and an excitement to begin exploring whichever path I choose to walk next… I can play it safe and comfortable, but I’ve always been a rebel, a breaker of rules, a poker of bears, a rocker of boats, (Okay, I’ll stop now).

Despite all the efforts made toward making me conform, comply, and fall into line, I’ve always felt the pull of adventure, leading me into the wild unknown.  It was mostly held in check by fear – failure, disapproval, ridicule – but today, I reclaim my wild, adventurous soul!

Today, I follow the path with a heart, the path that brings me joy, and piques my curiosities.

Today, I become more fully my true self: a loving spark of light, created in the image of God, the Divine Light who holds the universe together with cords of Love!

No more struggling to be good, to be right, to be perfect.  No more verbally whipping myself about how I’m a hopeless, broken, worthless sinner who is fortunate to have, yet undeserving of, all the love, joy, and peace God pours out upon me.

Today, I claim my inheritance as one beloved by God, perfected, whole, holy, and     ABSO-FUCKING-LUTELY deserving of all the love, joy, peace, goodness, kindness, abundance, prosperity this Divine, mysterious, wondrous universe has to give me!

Amen & Amen!

And you can have it all, too.

Close your eyes, take a deep breath, and as you exhale, whisper, “Thank you, God,” and open your heart to receive it.  It’s already there, waiting for you just on the other side of gratitude.

Remember, God is as close as the air you breathe, so… breathe deeply, my friends, and stay thankful.

Love to you all, my beautifully divine and deserving brothers & sisters!

 

{Reading Corner}
because I love books and want to share the good ones with you!

“A Return to Love” by Marianne Williamson
“The 49th Mystic” and “Rise of the Mystics” by Ted Dekker

{Music Makes My Heart Beat}
I think this one is fairly obvious… and turn up the volume.  😉

 

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